Tony Mortimer of East 17 fame talks to Holy Moly

27/05/2009 - Holy Moly

"She's making all the cash and he's got a button mushroom for a nob - which never really helps in a relationship." Tony Mortimer on Katie and Peter Andre."

How are you, Tony Mortimer?
I'm OK, mate!

Where are you in the world right now?
I'm out in Hatfield Heath.

It's your daughter's birthday tomorrow - what have you bought her?
I'm taking her to Alton Towers!

Are you a bit of a pussy when it comes to rollercoasters?
NO! I embrace the fear and have kicked arse in every amusement park in the country.

Do you have to drag the kids on kicking and screaming?
Nah - they're adrenalin junkies - they love it.

Now Holy Moly is a site based on stupid celebrities (present company excepted obv). Do you follow celebrity gossip or are you not arsed?
It's all over the house! Three girls - it's everywhere. The gossip is on EVERY TABLE!

You must be able to see it from a different perspective having once been a celeb?
Yeah definitely.

Were you told to play up to the paps? Ever go to buy a coffee just because you knew it would end up in Smash Hits?
Nah - does that honestly happen?

Worse than that - sometimes it's the celebs themselves that are in collaboration with the paps and even take half the cash! [There then follows a five minute conversation about several huge stars that do this, which has been mysteriously removed by Holy Moly lawyers.]
Nah REALLY?

Scouts' honour.
Wow! It will backfire on them eventually. You invite them in at first, but then need a bit of privacy, like Katie and Peter.

Ah yes. Did you ever come across the muscle-clad greasemonkey Peter Andre back in the day? - not in the biblical sense obv.
Haha yeah - we gave him his big break! He supported us in Australia. Peter Andreous all the way from Wembley! The rest is history...

Have you kept in touch?
Nah - he dropped off the radar until he ended up in the jungle and that song that "came to him in the middle of the night".

The one he knew all the words to and that managed to get recorded two days after he returned? (Insania - Ed)
Yeah - almost as if he'd planned it!

What's your take on their whole divorce thing - is it a real split or just bollocks?
To be honest it would have stood a chance if he'd had a career. She's making all the cash and he's got a button mushroom for a nob - which never really helps in a relationship.

If you were Peter Andre what would you do with Katie Price?
I'd have to have a word, put her in her place and stand my ground. Funnily enough she lost her virginity at an East 17 concert!

Blimey! I would imagine quite a few people lost their virginity at an East 17 concert...
Ha, YES!

Quite different to the Take That crowd where a little bit of snogging was in order - by your second song most people were onto fingers and tops...
Haha you were already on the morning after pill!

By the time you played 'Deep' it was game over!
It depended on the time of the month and whether they wanted a bit of rough, or the more gentle and caring guy.

There were soft and caring guys at an E17 concert?! Never...
Nah - the security were there to protect the fans from us!

Speaking of soft and caring guys, do you still keep in touch with Brian?
Erm no, not since the erm, documentary. (See below for the clip - it involves Tony's fist and Brian's face.)

It didn't end very well, did it Tony?
No. How to do things wrong on TV...

Do you remember much about the old E17 days, or has it all blended into a haze of Benson and Hedges and skunk?
I remember most of it, although there are a fair few nights that have kind of disappeared.

Would E17 be massive if they were a new band now?
It would have to be more live now.

But in terms of being famous, you never really played the game - I remember Tom Watkins telling you to shut up on 'The Word' because you told Terry Christian how much cash was in your bank account...
Did I?

Yeah - you had £370,000!
Oh. It's all gone now. Did I really say that?

Yeah - the look on the other member's faces was priceless, trying to work out where you'd got £370,000 from and why they were still skint!
"..."

So now you're back doing the solo thing?
I'm just doing all the old songs I wrote when I was a nipper.

Is there a new band, or is it a solo "An evening with Tony Mortimer". Piano, glass of sherry and all that. Or is it a full-on camouflage cap and pit bull experience?
Haha no none of that! A guitar, microphone, keyboards, drummer, backing vocals and all that.

Do they get any credit? A namecheck for all their hard work?
Yeah, we're called Tony Mortimer and his amazing band.

Really?
No. It's just me. They're just there.

Poor band! So like the rest of the world you seem to be all over Twitter - your latest update was, and I quote: "The reason most people are scared of diets is because it begins with die. That's deep shit man..." Did you write that after a big lunch?
I'm way past lunch - I have a bit of lettuce.

Are you getting fit for the tour or something? (nb. fact fans - Tony was a bit of a porker for a while.)
I've been bike riding and dieting - I've lost two stone luckily!

Do you think there is such a thing as fate, or do you make your own luck?
Oohh oohh. I think it's a bit of both, but I'm not sitting on the fence - I think you've got a direction and you come to a crossroads and you make decisions.

Oh. Righty-ho. Do you think it matters where you were born in the world - would you have become the legendary Tony Mortimer without Tom Watkins discovering you?
Doors were coming off hinges.

What? Whose door? Tom Watkins' door? Probably because you were kicking them all in!
Yeah well I was on a bit of a mission.

OK - enough about kicking Tom Watkins; doors in (GRROOO! - Ed)In light of celebrity obsession and the paparazzi, you guys would get into so much trouble if you were big now wouldn't you?
We couldn't handle it anyway! The problem is everything is recorded now. Everywhere you look people have videos on their phones.

OK - plug time - tell Holy Moly readers all about the gigs.
The first one is at Great Ormond Street..

What? The hospital?!
Oh no - not Ormond - 229 Great PORTLAND Street hahaha! This Thursday (28th May, pop fans) - you're welcome to come! Nice little aftershow at the club down the road...

I may just do that - will I get fingers and tops if I wear a camouflage baseball cap and spit on the floor?
HAPPY DAYS! If you can't there then you won't anywhere! I'll give you a shout out during the erection selection!

Yes! Deep wasn't exactly shrouded in lyrical mystery was it - the filthiest song of the Nineties...
I know! You write these songs not thinking they'll be massive and now you hear it on the radio in the car with the daughters thinking: "Oh dear god no..."

But on the other hand you wrote one of the best Christmas songs EVER (Stay Another Day). Bit of light and shade. Scare the parents on one single, ring the bells in a white fur coat on the next!
Hahaha yeah, looking at the camera all teary and a bit vulnerable!

Are you like Roy Wood, do you sit back coining in the Christmas royalites?
Nah - YouTube's done away with all that innit.

Do you play it at these gigs?
Yeah - we do a lovely Christmas carol version of it! The harmonies are lovely!

Bells?
No bells :(